mummy's letter to me... so touching...

A letter to Grubby from Mummy
(A letter to my baby as he celebrates his 1st birthday)

My dearest Baby Kieran,

Announcement of your impending arrival came as an unexpected surprise for your daddy and me over the festive holidays in late 2007. What followed was a (thankfully) wonderful and breezy nine months carrying and nurturing you inside of me, with every kick and nudge drawing us both closer to the day we were to welcome you into this world.

30th August 2008 @2.23pm ~ this day that you were born was one of the best days in my life; akin to falling in love all over again, only this time with a tiny 2.97kg bundle of joy. If babies were special gifts for made for mummies ~ you are one of the best ever ~ tiny, cherubic and perfect in our eyes, like a little pressie bundled in shiny shimmery gift wrap, topped with a big red ribbon!

It has been 365 days since you first laid in my arms and I shakily mouthed to say, with tears clouding my eyes, "Hi little one ~ I'm your mommy!”

And now, in lightning speed, a year has flown by, and you are celebrating your 1st birthday.... As I sit here, gathering my thought and putting pen on paper for when you are old enough to read this and look back at your very early years, I marvel at how much we have both grown ~ as mother and son ~ the past 12 months.

Before you came along, I have never thought of myself as the "mummy kind", wondered if I would second guess my parenting skills (or lack there of), and if I could handle the huge responsibility of moulding my very own little person into a man, and guiding you on the right paths in life.

Fortunately, everything just fell neatly into place the moment you arrived. I guess we both learnt from, and adapted to each other as if it was all meant to be. Make no mistakes, it was not all rainbows and sunshine ~ there were some days when daddy and I wondered what we have signed ourselves up for, and if special little gifts with big red ribbons came with an exchange policy...

But perhaps mummies were programed to forget ~ be it forgetting how huge I grew and how I had to lug excess baggage around during pregnancy, be it forgetting the sleepless nights spent soothing and nursing you, be it forgetting your occasional temper tantrums....for even as your daddy reminds me of the “suffering” we have been going through, these do not frazzle or unnerve me. I guess being a mummy taught me the meaning of endless patience and ‘unconditional love’.

Instead, all I see is you ~ my 11kg of pure, unadulterated grubby little baby boy. I see your shiny eyes as you look at me, your little button nose; and as the tooth fairy started coming by to drop off your little tooth one by one ~ now as you turn one ~ I see your 8 little perfect white pearlies peeking out at me as you crinkle up your face when you flash us that cheeky smile. I see your fleshy, tanned skin, and your fat little fingers and toes. Sometimes I stare at you as you sleep, marveling at this little new creature that has joined our lives, and savor the moment, just taking in your warmth, your distinct, grubby smell, and count my blessings.

And as the months whizzed us by, I see your unique character unfolding like a flower opening up its petals after the summer rain. Even at this tender age, you have already developed a distinct personality and character ~ one who is confident, cheerful, and chatty; but also sometimes reckless, stubborn, and impatient (be it to walk or talk faster than the norm, be it to gobble up all your favorite fruits, or be it to have mummy carry you), ~ enough personality to fill full-sized adult shoes and then more.

Yes ~ you, my little man, are fast growing into you own person, and I am enjoying every moment of it!

Even as we fast forward the years and can no longer call you “Baby Kieran”, I hope you can continue to flourish under daddy’s and my nurture and guidance. I hope you will never stop finding little, unexpected pleasures in life, and never stop loving and living life to the fullest. I know that while daddy and mummy will not always be the center of your universe as you grow up and make friends ~ and in the distant future, start a little family of your own ~ I hope we will always have that special little space reserved in your heart.

The last year has indeed been an amazing journey for all three of us ~ for the two most important men in my life ~ Daddy and Grubby ~ and for me, as I embraced motherhood for the first time.

Baby Kieran, it will be some time yet to come before you can read my scribblings, but I want to nonetheless, take a moment to reflect, and to thank you for bringing such joy to, and enriching our lives.

Meanwhile, I will be loving you always with my heart and soul, and always be here for when you need me. You will always be my grubby little baby Kieran! Hugs and kisses.

Happy Birthday!

Love, Mummy May
30th August 2009